Practicing Radical Acceptance

What is something in my life that I am struggling to accept? What might change if I fully accepted it, without judgment or resistance?

I give my clients hopework as a means to continue their work in between our sessions. The beauty of being a clinical psychotherapist that works in an integrative and holistic space is that I am a human first. As a result, I, too, have areas in my life in which I have an opportunity to practice radical acceptance.

I have struggled to accept the changes to some of my relationships. For some of those friendships, it has taken me some time, and yet I have finally gotten to radical acceptance. In one relationship, with one of my siblings, that has been a longer road where I have had to employ additional support to heal from the pain and loss.

I have had a complicated relationship with one my siblings for the last five years. I will not go into the details, and yet, I have experienced several boundary violations from this sibling with very limited accountability. Moreover, because our relationships are often connected, this relationship has had an unfortunate impact on the relationship I have with my mother as well as some siblings. I am one of five, so there’s a lot of connection and in some cases disconnection.

Because of my chosen profession, I have been made to feel like I should just “forgive and forget” and yet, it is not that easy, nor is that a healthy approach to healing. I have forgiven my sibling for the harms they have caused me and yet, I have chosen to no longer have a relationship with them at this point. In listening to Drama Free: A Guide to Managing Unhealthy Family Relationships by Nedra Glover Tawwab, I am learning so much and in some ways being validated while still maintaining an open mind should the need to pivot presents itself.

If I’m honest, I am struggling to accept lack of accountability from my sibling. They have attempted to be in relationship with me without acknowledging the harm they have caused my family and I. In fact, they feel justified in their continuous behavior exhibiting disrespect, boundary violations, and lack of accountability. This is where my family’s inclination to put a lot of the responsibility on me as the eldest and a social worker and therapist to be “the bigger person” which is not appropriate or healthy. I understand they mean well and that this ongoing disagreement is unsettling and uncomfy for them, and also, harm has been done…undoubtedly on both sides.

I recently became familiar with a word from the Plains Cree or Nehinaw (also called the nēhiyawak, nīhithaw, nēhilaw, and nēhinaw; or ininiw, ililiw, iynu (innu), or iyyu) people many of whom live in what is now called Canada in North America. The word is kiyâm which means let it be, quietly, it’s okay, let it go, never mind, please, think nothing of it, and similar sentiments. I heard it in a meditation led by Dr Chelsea Jackson Roberts with a special guest Shayla Stonechild who is herself Plains Cree and Nehinaw. It was such a beautiful word embracing so much freedom that I have since listened to the meditation two more times within 24 hours.

My hope is that carrying that mantra, kiyâm, will settle into my spirit as I navigate my radical acceptance practice, so that I can make sure my side of the street is clean while I “let it be, quietly, let it go” in a way that is meaningful, healing, and helpful to me as I fully accept my sibling as they are without judgment or resistance.