Why I feel drawn to look after myself now

I wouldn’t say I’m burned out. Yet, I would say that it’s been very necessary for my mental health to take a step back. Last year around this time (February/March 2021) I was in a new season in my life. I had been married for 2-3 months and was pregnant. I was vulnerable and was more spicy during my pregnancy. As such, I was calling out injustices more frequently and with added fervor. Several of my social media posts went viral. One in particular incensed white supremacists to the point I made the decision to close comments and had to report the violent offenders to Instagram repeatedly. They did nothing.

Fast forward, I had my beautiful baby in August 2021. So many loved us and encouraged me to not only take my maternity leave, but enjoy it and extend it beyond when my child was earthside. They encouraged me to rest and to pause. To embrace this new season ushering into the world my firstborn. To practice presence with my babe and my husband.

You see the work that I do is the heavy lifting work of the world. I talk about racism, injustice, tension, toil. I also am a clinical social worker and therapist so I hear a lot. Moreover, I also discovered that a handful of friendships had outlived their usefulness which was a challenging road to navigate. I also realized that grief is a mother and several of these friends’ grief, which was totally understandable and valid, spilled out and sometimes their anger was misdirected to me which was not justified, fair, or right. I’ve had the opportunity to forgive them, release them and their friendships, and move forward. That was not easy. And it wasn’t done in one setting or session. I had to process it a lot. I’m not sure I’m fully over it yet, but I’m moving towards healing.

I stepped away from social media. I put my phone down. I reconnected with a small circle of people who love me in the unconditional way. I started to fill my days with other amazing people, projects, passions. When people ask how I’m doing, my standard response this season is: Life is full and beautiful.

I’m realizing that looking after myself now feels good, authentic, vulnerable, and freeing.

I’m building things (or putting them together according to the directions) and I’m building my life to be more conscious + aligned. I get to practice conscious + aligned living. And that, my friends, is a gift.